Femininity can be a two edged sword. Luckily for me I was a late bloomer, so had plenty of practise being ok with who I was. I pursued character from a young age, fuelled by a desire to know the living God with passion.
During my twenties, the golden age for beauty, fashion and exploring relationships I was challenging those versions of beauty and the body. Pregnancy, labour, birth and breastfeeding in their way intimately challenge our sense of body and beauty. My first two babies were girls. Despite my lack of enthusiasm for raising two girls, for all the gender role moulding and myths of beauty I knew they would endure, they have taught me, through their innate beauty, to face my fear of being female.
It’s a challenge for all women – a challenge for women who don’t meet the world’s criteria for attractiveness and never measure up. It can make or break a person. It’s a challenge for those who do meet the standard not to fall into the trap of letting their physical beauty define them, or let that be the thing that makes them ok, as it’s a shallow advantage. I have beautiful daughters, even by the world’s measure. Without ignoring their need to be appreciated for their physical attributes, I have concentrated on encouraging them to think more deeply about beauty, about integrity, character, personality, what they can offer the world, encouraging others, and accepting themselves more deeply than what’s on the surface. I hope I have done a good job.
A friend of mine who is a young attractive fashionable dancer, who is also academically talented is feeling the weight of low expectation in her university astronomy class, full of young talented intellectuals. She may end up toning down her ‘looks’ to fit in, she may not, she may embrace the challenge and show them what she’s got. Either way she has a choice. I hope she chooses to be herself.
It’s our challenge to confidently face the dual responsibility of being a woman; feminine and attractive, or androgynous and hardy – first to not be afraid of it, second to not let it define you, and definitely not let others let it define you. I guess thirdly, is not to use it without integrity. This world needs more women who accept themselves and accept others, without resorting to competition, women who behave as though beauty, love and acceptance are unlimited resources. A woman who accepts the skin she is in, accepts her body and herself is disarming, captivating, and makes those around her feel comfortable, without the need to perform to be accepted, and able to find love, acceptance and connection. We give others a great gift when we are comfortable with who we are.
I define me, whether I know it or not, I have that power. Personally, I let my God and my faith define me. I am beautiful, not because I happen to biologically meet some arbitrary worldly criteria, but because my Creator made me in his image. Beauty points to our creator, but attractiveness is only skin deep. Cultivating beauty takes a lifetime of character, integrity and being happy in our own skin. And we all can be that.
