Avoid or embrace

In a recent discussion with a group of church leaders, the debate ventured down the track of personal boundaries in relation to men and women working together in the church. I understand the concept of avoiding temptation altogether, and there is plenty in the bible to back up this approach; sexual sin being avoided at all cost (cutting out your eye and all that!).

In the past I would not have even questioned the superior wisdom of the general discussion. But something bothered me this time. That bothered feeling stuck with me for many days. I find now that I am not so black as white as I used to be on this or any issue.

I have many friends who are male, and have always been comfortable about this. There is a risk that a meaningful friendship with someone of the opposite sex may well at some stage throw up some confusing feelings of attraction. I may be tested. But how else will I learn to navigate the challenges with maturity and wisdom. I could avoid connection altogether but how would I learn respect, dignity and appreciation of God’s masculinity through his male creation. I will take my measure of risk to have meaningful friendships.

Which leads me to think about how many non-christian friends I have. There is a risk that they might influence me in some way (although in most cases it’s me doing the leading astray). I could surround myself with Christians preferring to only rub shoulders with those who agree with my religious choices, avoiding the temptations of the world. But then how would I be relevant in the world, how would I earn the right to share my love for Jesus Christ if I don’t first show my non-christian friends that I am trustworthy and care about them.

I have children. There is a risk that they will disappoint me, that I might disappoint them, mess up, make a mistake and hurt them in some way. There is a greater risk that they will experience heartache and pain and suffering in their lives. I have friends who have decided not to have children for this very reason. And after 18 years of marriage their resolve is just as strong. But the threat of pain should not dissuade us from living or giving life. To love and live and laugh and be in relationship with each other is the point of life.

And what about sex. There are all sorts of risks of having sex, even in marriage. But I am certainly not going to avoid the most intimate interaction of human expression.

I drink wine. There is a risk that I will that I might get drunk and do stupid things. In fact it has been known to happen. I could abstain but how would I learn moderation. Avoidance won’t teach me discipline and self-control.

I could easily isolate myself and avoid life’s experiences that challenge me, test me, tempt me, even hurt and confuse me, but what sort of life is that? Instead I choose to embrace life, embrace all and learn from all.